Being twenty-years-old, moving to a new state, living with a new family and changing my major are a few of the circumstances I have undertaken this past year. In this time of instability, confusion, and uncomfortability is when one truly finds oneself, values, and life. Going to college at eighteen is a huge transition in itself but what I have found is that it will not get easier; in fact, it gets harder as life circumstances become more intense. In the rise of social media, everyone, including myself constantly compares themselves to other peers, celebrities, really anyone on the discover page and that hinders self discoverance because no one never understands who they truly are. Have I really found the meaning of self-discovery if I ran away from a circumstance, I knew all too well just because I was bored? What I found is that I needed a big life transition, to be out of my comfort zone; whether it was right or wrong, I needed it.
My blogs reference my struggle and battle with uncomfortability and self discoverance which is prevalent in my “About Me” blog post. My blog in introducing myself describes my move from Pennsylvania to Florida. In all honesty, I could have moved under better circumstances, but I have never been comfortable with goodbyes or dealing with the judgment and pressure from my family. I get scared and shy away when I can feel the disapproval upon me, and I left. I left without really saying goodbye to everyone and decided to make it on my own here in Florida. I am still figuring out exactly who I am, but this move was to signify that I am capable and that I need to discover myself alone and not in the shadows of my siblings or parents.
“Be Different” is a blog post I wrote about a song titled “Different” by Micah Tyler that describes how to value hope and the optimistic for the future that hope provides. In the theme of self discoverance, I found religion as well. I grew up in a household with Christian values but also realized I need to figure out my own religious values and beliefs. This song was a large part of that discoverance because it describes a man who could not accept an outcome in his life but wanted God to change his view on that and make him see differently. In regard to myself, I wanted to find a religion for myself, even with the pressure of the judgment for my family. I needed to see different and establish my own belief system.
I decided to move from Pennsylvania to Florida with my boyfriend and his family. I told myself I did this because I could not stand to be in the same situation after twenty years in it but maybe a part of me wanted the attention of rebellion and not always being around and readily available to my parents. In “Architectural interior”, I detail the layout of the house I live in, my boyfriend’s house and how overwhelming it feels in a closed-off space. There is the possibility that with this move I morphed into the person that my boyfriend expected me to be and that I am not really finding myself. That I feel confined in the space I share with him. I mean can you find yourself while moving your whole life for and with another person?
A lot of people get tattoos of koi fish because they signify strength because of the way the fish fight to swim upstream. Perhaps I was attracted to the statue because of the koi fish pond. Some might say I was “running away” when I moved from Pennsylvania to Florida, but I think it took all the strength I had to move from a place of familiarity to a place where I knew two people and to start over in school. It was the hardest decision I have ever made and will continue to build on that decision because whether or not it was correct, I already made the choice to move and stay in Florida.
Every day, I make choices that lead me to more self discoverance, more uncomfortability about where I am in my life but one thing, I have realized is that I do not need to have it all figured out yet. All I need to understand that is at twenty years old is that I am getting better. Through every choice and every situation, I have hope, optimism for the future that I will eventually find my passion, find what truly matters. But also, I realize that I will never be completely fulfilled in my self-discovery because does anyone truly know who one is? Everyone is constantly seeking themselves; thus, let’s mask in the realization that the focus is on getting better every day and accepting where I am at every day.
References
Cressman, A. (2019). Lifestyle Addict. Retrieved April 26, 2019, from
Lifestyle Addict 